Steven ,its Dad . I miss u every hour of every day and unfortunly,going on year 2 and it hasnt gotten easier.Are people lying to me?Are they trying to make me feel better?Everyone that has lost someone tells me "it will get easier in time " BULLSHIT !!!! Maybe for them, but not only cant I FEEL it getting easier , I cant see it ever getting easier.I am not even sure if I want it to get easier , better ,.You learn to cope w/ it ,so I have heard but it hasnt happened and I seriously dont think it will.I still break down and cry like a small child who cant find mommy all of a sudden.whails of sorrow come out of me , sounds that I never thought I was capable of making.After I run out of tears , I get dry heaving of the eyes.My body shakes and quakes and I continue waitting for this god awfull nightmare to mercifly,for gods sake , please,please,please,FOR GODS SAKE PLEASE,let me awaken from this nightmare that goes on and on and on.My heart is ripped,torn,ragged,never to be nowhere what it used to be.Steven im gonna go for now.Little buddy,your last words to me keep ringing in my ears and echo throughout my mind "Dad,I am on my way home.Ilove you" I texted you back "I love you to bud,be carefull i then looked at my wife and said "what a great kid.what other 17 yr old is going to be home an hour before his curfew on a sat. night?baby we did good,not just w/ Steven but Robert and Serena to."little did we know that the sirens we were going to be hearing within the next hour,and pay no mind to,were going to the scene where our son would die. to anybody who may read this , people lie!!!Sure, you get over your grandmother passing on or grandpaw,you can cope with losing a mother or father,but whoever may read this,you DO NOT "get over"losing a child,you CAN NOT "COPE"with losing a beautiful,smart,kind,intelligent,respectful,adoring,FUNNY(making people laugh came so easily to Steven,he was able to pull it off w/ no effert at all,and he did it in a sort of quite voice,his timing was that of a seasoned comedian)kid.So boys and girls,ladies and gents,people lie,you dont "move on"or learn to "cope"w/ it,your not going to "get over it".i am going to put on my mask and smile at the right time,say thank you,appericate it,and try and say and do the right things at the right times,but let me let you in on a secert.I DONT GIVE A FUCK !!!!!!!!!!! I know that I should,I do have 2 other kids,but the truth is,I dont. I dont care about nothing.i dont care if i eat or sleep(which in the last few days has been,well nightmarish,would be like saying "there is a lot of sand on the beach along the east coast of the U.S.A..A gross understatement if there ever was one.Stop being so selfish i can hear some people saying.Come and talk to me when ur (i described Steven above)17 yr old son is FUCKIN RIPPED OUTTA YOUR ARMS !!!!!!!! Well i am going on 3 , 4 shit i dont know,ask my wife,shes keeping score,days,nights without sleep.I honestly dont know whats worse,really honestly,sleeping or not sleeping. untill next,or maybe not,post,adopt the rule that was strongly inforced in our house,make each family member go to the rest of the family and give them a hug and a kiss and an I love you before they walk out that door,sometimes they dont come back.oh ,in the above I said "strongly inforced" i dont want to mislead you , we really never had to,thats how my wife and mysely raised them. Bob(Dad-Daddy)